Be You Angels? Nay. We are but men.

Bouncing off the walls...

2004-10-29T22:32:49Z

I am a misfit
I'm born with all of it
The fucking ultimate
Of love inside the atom split
I'm in a flash ray
A mash of DNA
Another poppin' Jay
Who thinks he's got something to say

Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind

2004-10-24T04:04:45Z

Well, I was supposed to be going out tonight, but everyone bailed on me (as usual). I decided it was a Blockbuster night. I rented two movies. Walking Tall (which really sucked... not sure what the hell I was thinking here) and Eternal Sunshine of The Spotless Mind. I had never even heard of this movie, just decided to take a chance on it. Probably the best movie I have seen in the last 5 or more years. Its not a movie for everyone, you have to be open-minded. It stars Jim Carrey, who delivers an amazing performance, and Kate Winslett, who also outdoes herself. Im not going to write a synopsis, but I found a very good one on the net: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338013/usercomments-492. You gotta give this movie a try.

Show love with no remorse.

2004-10-17T05:29:12Z

I went to a wedding today. It was the wedding of a long time friend whom I grew up with. It was so very strange to see her walk down that aisle. She looked as beautiful as ever, and I don't think I have ever seen her happier. I found myself envious of what they have. Their relationship is something that has and always will amaze me. First, they randomly met on a trip across America (it was some type of anti-abortion campaign). Second, he lived in New York and she lived in Baton Rouge. They somehow managed to have a super long distance relationship for three years. While they were apart, she would get mail from him nearly every day. Even if it was something small, such as a letter simply saying "I miss you", she would be ecstatic. Today as they were doing the toast, she said she still feels that way every time she thinks about being with him. He was in tears. That is love.
Anyway, I really had a great time at their reception. I was dressed pretty spiffy. A girl I work with had to pick out my clothes for me though, so it was a cheat. She even talked me into putting gel in my hair, which I have never done, but I thought looked pretty good. I got to play with my nephew and we had fun. I kept getting him cake. He must have had four pieces before my sister found out. But hey, I can do that stuff because I'm his uncle. I watched the bride's brother play the guitar, and it inspired me to try picking it up again. Maybe if I can ever find time...

The Brian Show

2004-10-15T03:46:47Z

How much have television and movies shaped my life? I think about it a lot. It seems every time something happens to me, I remember the scenario from a TV show or movie. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Would memories still work the same way had I not watched TV since i was born? Every memory I have seems like it comes from the third person. Even in my earliest memories, I see myself from someone else's view. Am I just a character in a movie? Life has a way of playing out that way. As I walk through crowds, I can look at someone and say "That is _______ kind of person./That person fills the role of _______." Despite concerted efforts by some to be "different", the simple fact they are doing this fills a role or makes them a character. If this is true for others, why would I be any different? Its really an unsettling feeling. Why do I think about shit like this?

Anyway, today wasn't really a good day. I really wanted to be by myself all day. I have been feeling depressed on and off for the last couple weeks. I really don't like to burden people with my problems, so I won't start now. Just figure I owe myself an explanation for hiding.

Cyclical Nature of Things...

2004-10-12T22:45:57Z

*This is my first update using Semagic, so if something looks messed up thats why.
As i get older it seems as if every day is more like the previous. I can remember a time when there was an obvious gradient, but everything seems to just flow right on together now. I am stuck in a cycle, wake up... go to work or school... come home and take a nap... jog/study... go to bed. I hate being stuck in a rut like this. I LOVE being spontaneous, not knowing whats around the next corner. Sometimes I really wonder if I have the will to keep this up for another year and a half. I am finally starting to feel comfortable at Southeastern (thanks to Lauren) which gives me some hope however. I have to admit, it is kind of nice to see people on campus and recognize them from class, something that rarely happened to me at LSU. For now I guess i'll just plod through the muck of school life (damn, i have been doing that forever it seems). Heres to a better tomorrow... for everyone.

"Where I go I just don't know,
I got to, got to, gotta take it slow.
When I find my piece of mind,
I'm gonna give you some of my good time."

Unworldly

2004-10-11T21:26:53Z

I wish I could figure out that whole time/space continuum thing. I'd love to zip past my World Lit test. Im not even saying that I dont want to take it (for some stupid reason I like the class), but it would be nice to fast forward once in a while. Skip to the good parts of life (I'd also like to rewind, but thats a story for a different day). I have 5 storys to brush up on, and a small essay to create. I like writing, so that won't be too bad. I just gotta focus... focus Brian... you must focus. Perhaps a long jog and coffee will cure me.

Some dumb ass poem

2004-10-11T03:04:25Z

Yeah, so I was bored and wrote this. Tell me what you think. Oh wait, nobody is gonna fucking read this. Sweet, it doesnt even have to be very good then.

It makes me cry, it makes me weep.
It hurts so badly I cannot sleep.
I try to hold a smile, my face keeps a shine.
My lips can only mutter a mere whine.
I have to forget her, but can that be done?
I'll just tell myself she isn't "the one".
I feel like I am smothering, my lungs barely work.
How could I fuck this up? Im sorry I was a jerk!
Just one more last chance, thats all that I need.
How can she just sit there, and watch my heart fucking bleed?
I can't stay out of her life, I want to be more than friends.
Oh God, please tell me, this is not where it ends.
Now I lie down, body frozen, unable to stand.
Dealing with this pain is something I cannot withstand.
I know my feelings will never fade...
But for now I must press on, and live my charade.